


there’s nothing to forgive

by cliffedges



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: F/M, I guess!, Light Angst, i miss these idiots
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-16
Updated: 2019-03-16
Packaged: 2019-11-19 03:42:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18130484
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cliffedges/pseuds/cliffedges
Summary: blue tells gansey the truth.“What is it, Blue? What’s left that you can possibly say?” His voice cracked, and Blue could hear his hollow desolation, his despair, his desperation.





	there’s nothing to forgive

They were quiet, for a while. Then Blue swallowed, and turned to Gansey.

“Gansey,” she said. Gansey lifted his eyes to look at her, and they were sad, and unfocused. The warmth left her instantly; she felt suddenly cold and vulnerable, despite the stifling summer air.

“What is it, Blue? What’s left that you can possibly say?” His voice cracked, and Blue could hear his hollow desolation, his despair, his desperation. It broke her heart.

“I didn’t mean what I said yesterday,” she said, and each word hurt, ripped from her throat raw. “I wish I could hate you, I really do. But no matter how hard I try–” Tears stung the back of Blue’s eyes and she blinked furiously, willing them away. “I just can’t, Gansey. I can’t hate you.”

Gansey’s breath caught, and when he looked at Blue, his honey-colored eyes were wide with fear and distant surprise. “Why not?”

Blue tried to laugh, but the sound stuck in her throat like glass. 

“God, isn’t it obvious?” she said. “I’m in love with you.”

Gansey didn’t move, didn’t dare to. He stared at her, his mouth slightly parted in breathless shock, as if she were something out of a dream, and if he moved, he would wake up.

“I thought you knew,” Blue continued, thickly, miserably. “I’m sorry. I should have told you earlier, but I was worried that I’d just make things worse for everyone. I only ever do.” 

Gansey let out a shaky, raucous laugh that sounded almost disbelieving. “There’s nothing to apologize for.”

Blue felt exhaustion coil through her, and essayed Gansey a small, tired smile that made him wonder if she had always been this sad. “You don’t get it,” she told him, not unkindly. “If we were together, things would change, and not just with you and me, but with Adam and Ronan too.”

“So let them,” Gansey said, uncomprehending. “Things change. People change. That doesn’t have to be a bad thing all the time, Blue.”

Blue wished she could look away. He didn’t understand, and she didn’t think she could bear to watch the grief settle and extinguish the light in Gansey’s eyes when he figured it out. And yet. “I love you, Gansey,” she said. “I love you more than anything in the world.”

Gansey shivered, and it wasn’t just the cold that bothered him. “There’s something else, isn’t there? There’s always going to be more to it.” He drew in a breath, trembling. “Tell me what’s wrong, Blue. It’s tearing me apart.”

Blue’s gaze was painfully clear when she spoke, her voice thin and brittle. “Loving you like this feels almost selfish, you know. It always has. I’ve asked myself countless times if it matters, knowing I’m going to lose you eventually because I’m not enough to save you in the end. I just don’t want to make it harder on everyone else when you—” Blue broke off abruptly, unable to go on. She lowered her eyes. “I’m sorry, Gansey.”

Gansey was still, and the quiet sadness crept through Blue like a chill. Silence hung in the air, so heavy it stung. 

Then, faintly, Gansey exhaled. “Oh, Blue,” he said, his voice breaking. Blue felt a shudder unfold beneath her fingertips, and her heart thudded dully against her ribcage.

Blue closed her eyes. The shadows under them were dark and worn-down.

She knew Gansey was watching her with more gentleness and tenderness than she deserved, because it was the only way he had ever looked at her. Terror and sadness rose in Blue like a wave, threatening to drown and break her. 

“Don’t,” Blue started bitterly, and began to cry. 

Her tears broke free like water spilling from a dam, coursing down her cheeks in an unbroken stream. Gansey pulled Blue towards him and held her, crushing her shaking, fragile body against his, as she clung to him tightly with every shuddering, gasping breath that she drew in. Blue buried her face in the curve of Gansey’s neck, her tears wet against his skin, her sorrow palpable, drained of hope. 

“I’m here, Blue,” he whispered. “I’m here.”

She drew away from him, her eyes bright and shining with tears. “I know,” she said. “You always are.”

**Author's Note:**

> thank u for reading this! i love blue and gansey with my whole heart....... it's my first time writing a fic, and i thought that it was really only fitting that i wrote about them. anyway, i hope u enjoyed this! have a lovely day!!!


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